You
Might Be A cop if........
1. You have the bladder
capacity of five people.
2. You believe
that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm.
3. Your idea of
a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.
4. You call for
a criminal check of anyone who seems friendly to you.
5. Discussing dismemberment
over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to
you.
6. You identify
a negative "teeth to tattoo" ratio just by looking at a person.
7. You find humor
in other people's stupidity.
8. You disbelieve
90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
9. You have your
weekends off planned for a year in advance.
10. You believe
unspeakable evils will fall upon you if someone says, "Boy, it
sure is quiet here
tonight."
11. Your diet consists
of food that has gone through more processing than a
computer can track.
12. You believe
chocolate is a food group.
13. When someone
calls you a jerk, you take it as a compliment.
14. You have ever
wanted to hold a seminar entitled, "Suicide: Get it Right the
First Time!"
15. You believe
that "too stupid to live" should be a valid verdict.
16. You have ever
had to put the phone on hold so you could laugh
uncontrollably.
17. You believe
a certain dispatcher is possessed by a demon.
18. Your favorite
hallucinogen is exhaustion.
19. You think caffeine
should be available in IV form.
20. You have heard
the sergeant muttering down the hall, "Who's in charge of this
mess?"
21. Your prisoner
states, "I don't know how it got there!"
22. It occurs to
you suddenly that one night you are policing the Twilight Zone.
23. You believe
anyone who says, "I only had two or three beers" will blow over
.15%.
24. You find out
a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
25. You are told
to deliver a human jaw in a jar and you find yourself talking to it
there on the seat
beside you.
26. You believe
it's not a good death unless it involves overtime.
27. You are the
only person introduced at a social gathering by his profession.
28. You walk into
places and people think it's high comedy to seize a co-worker
and shout, "They've
come to get you, Bill!"
29. You do not
see daylight from November to May.
30. People shout,
"I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think it's
original and funny.
31. You believe office meetings are always
called at the end of your shift.
