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You Might Be A cop if........
1. You have the bladder capacity of five people.
2. You believe that 25% of people are a waste of protoplasm.
3. Your idea of a good time is an armed robbery at shift change.
4. You call for a criminal check of anyone who seems friendly to you.
5. Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal seems perfectly normal to
6. You identify a negative "teeth to tattoo" ratio just by looking at a person.
7. You find humor in other people's stupidity.
8. You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see.
9. You have your weekends off planned for a year in advance.
10. You believe unspeakable evils will fall upon you if someone says, "Boy, it
sure is quiet here tonight."
11. Your diet consists of food that has gone through more processing than a
computer can track.
12. You believe chocolate is a food group.
13. When someone calls you a jerk, you take it as a compliment.
14. You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled, "Suicide: Get it Right the
First Time!"
15. You believe that "too stupid to live" should be a valid verdict.
16. You have ever had to put the phone on hold so you could laugh
17. You believe a certain dispatcher is possessed by a demon.
18. Your favorite hallucinogen is exhaustion.
19. You think caffeine should be available in IV form.
20. You have heard the sergeant muttering down the hall, "Who's in charge of this
21. Your prisoner states, "I don't know how it got there!"
22. It occurs to you suddenly that one night you are policing the Twilight Zone.
23. You believe anyone who says, "I only had two or three beers" will blow over
24. You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around.
25. You are told to deliver a human jaw in a jar and you find yourself talking to it
there on the seat beside you.
26. You believe it's not a good death unless it involves overtime.
27. You are the only person introduced at a social gathering by his profession.
28. You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to seize a co-worker
and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill!"
29. You do not see daylight from November to May.
30. People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think it's
original and funny.
31. You believe office meetings are always called at the end of your shift.